Grief does not end

Grief is not linear.  Even years later you have days where you want to scream.  Different events in your life can magnify the grief.  Grief does not truly go away.I am getting married in a few months.  I am very excited about that part.  I have a wonderful fiancé and my in-laws are great.  There is one problem.  I miss my mom

My mom was not able to be with me when I went dress shopping.  In fact, no one was able.  They all had valid reasons and I was not upset with them in any way.  I still felt kind of pathetic.  I was the fat girl trying on wedding dresses without even my mom.  I missed her excitement.

I am not nervous about getting married.  Not one bit.  In fact I am very much looking forward to the day.

The only thing I am afraid of has nothing to do with my fiancé or us actually getting married.  I don’t want to be alone that day getting ready.  My mom won’t be with me.  I am willing to go as far as getting a limo and asking one of the girls to be with me during the day.  They all have families.  Not all of their children are young but still this is not their issue.

I want to have someone with me as we get ready for the special day.  I am afraid no one will be able.  This makes me miss my mom that much more.  If I am alone, I will talk myself into being okay with it.  I have to.  Deep inside tho, this will make me miss my mom even more.  I don’t want to feel pathetic.  If need be I will put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  I will plant a smile on my face.

Grief sucks and makes you want to scream some days.  Even if that scream is silent.

alone-beautiful-boardwalk-247314

–Sarah Cobble

 

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